jockey joke

[vegyjones]

A group of 3rd 4th and 5th graders accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to a local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to go to the bathroom it was decided that one would go with the girls and one with the boys. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside when one came out and told her that they could not reach the urinals.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their trousers and began hoisting the boys up one by one - holding onto their "tools" to stop them splashing their clothes. As she lifted one she couldn't help but notice he was rather well endowed. trying not to show she was staring, she said "You must be in the fifth"

"No Ma'am" he replied, "I'm riding silver Arrow in the fourth, but thanks for the lift"

[vegyjones]

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10mph over), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over and asked "What's the hurry?"

"I'm late for work" I said

"Oh yeah" said the cop "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher" I said

"What... a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do? the cop asked

I replied "Well I start with one finger. then I work my way up to two, then three until I get a whole hand in. The I work until I can get both hands in and slowly stretch until about 6 foot wide"

The cop asked "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass hole"



I replied "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge"
The ticket £75
The look on his face, PRICELESS

[vegyjones]

Actual bumber stickers found on cars:

"Constipated people don't give a s hit"

"Practice safe sex, go screw yourself"

"Who lit the fuse on your tampon"

"If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut"

"If you're not a haemorrhoid, get off my ass"

"Horn broken... watch for finger"

"Cover me, I'm changing lanes"

"Fight crime... shoot back"

"If you can read this, please flip me back over"
(Written upside down on a jeep