Vic
24th June 2004, 17:09
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ
so
much.
And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think
with
their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a
state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not
what
I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all!
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a
pair for each
outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair
of
diamond
earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, lets go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT??!!!"
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs
flyover a
frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.
so
much.
And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think
with
their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a
state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not
what
I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all!
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a
pair for each
outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair
of
diamond
earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, lets go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT??!!!"
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs
flyover a
frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.