markwales
8th October 2004, 15:33
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which
was the other contender. It was conceded by the other EU nations
that English spelling had room for improvement and by consensus a
five-year plan for the phasing in of "Euro-English" has been
accepted.
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped
in favour of the "k", which should klear up some konfusion and
allow one key less on keyboards.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.
By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and
everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI
COM TRU ! ZEN ZE VORLD!
will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which
was the other contender. It was conceded by the other EU nations
that English spelling had room for improvement and by consensus a
five-year plan for the phasing in of "Euro-English" has been
accepted.
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped
in favour of the "k", which should klear up some konfusion and
allow one key less on keyboards.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.
By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and
everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI
COM TRU ! ZEN ZE VORLD!