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View Full Version : A Satirical View Of The Football World



vegyjones
4th November 2004, 15:35
Welcome to edition 1 of ASVFW.

A bit like the American "World" Series, this mag, includes World in the title, despite being dedicated to football in the UK!

Mutu Update

Adrian Mutu will find out the length of his ban for cocaine abuse this week. The FA are due to make a decision on Thursday! Chelsea have sacked the sorry Romanian citing a long line of offences! Mutu denies these implications, saying that it was merely several short lines! Mutu has already booked himself into a rehabilitation clinic. He has apologised and it is unconfirmed that the only reason he took cocaine was becuase it was the only way he could score!
A 6-8 month ban is expected, the FA not wanting to send out a message that it is better to Miss a Drugs Test than to get caught. Although Mutu's recent form is warning enough to aspiring stars!

Mutu has categorically stated that he intends to take action against those that have suggested he played with the drug in his system. That rules out one excuse then!


O'Leary Signs

It is rumoured that David O'Leary is confident of signing a new 3 and a half year contract! It is as yet unknown, which club he was talking about! Apperently having agreed a deal with Doug Ellis to extend his contract, there have been some issues that are yet to be resolved! O'Leary said "In my belief the couple of things to tie up are not big matters." Just when he will do his shoe-laces up is still unclear!


Scotland Vacancy

Berti Vogts is gone and the Scottish FA have begun their search for a new National Manager! While most unemployed managers have sealed up their letterboxes, one manager who does seem to be interested is ex-Everton boss Walter Smith! SFA Vice-President John Smith said "We will be throwing names into a hat but I don't think there will be a decision made, although we will be discussing it." With such clear indeciseiveness, perhaps he is keen to replace Vogts himself! George Peat, another Vice-president said "The agenda was drawn up before this happened so it is not even on the agenda." Clearly trying to fill the Scottish people with confidence!

Several suggestions have been made, and they include Gordan Strachan, and former gooner Bruce Rioch! The Scottish FA were apparently inundated with letters calling for Graeme Souness to be the next manager. Apparently all from people around the Newcastle area!!!


County sack Mills

News from League 2 sees Notts County relieve manager gary Mills from his position as manager! County, one of the favourites to go up have been languishing near the bottom of League 2 this season! Their dismal home form has seen them struggle and it has culminated in Mills losing his job! BBC Radio Nottingham have reported that he is considering the offer of another position - to the fright of managerless teams everywhere!


Glazier in new bid

Matthew Glazier has made a further bid for John Magnier and JP McManus' share in the club! Supporters wait with baited breath over their decision! Manchester United have protested recently about the possible takeover by Glazier and were eased at the collapse of his previous offer. His new bid will show that he is determined to take control of the club! Meanwhile at Old Trafford, Wes Brown has signed a new 4 year deal. His previous deal was due to expire at the end of this season. In unsubstantiated reports, wes Brown clebrated his new deal in a straw hat, shoulder pads and singing Yankie-Doodle!


Leeds deal nearly complete

Sebastian Sainsbury has confirmed that a deal to buy the Elland Road club will be done by the end of this week! There will notbe any special offers after the deal is done though. There are no buy-one get one free offers and Jamie Oliver will definitely not be running the Burger bar!