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View Full Version : An amusing little read about dentists...



Workshy
9th December 2004, 10:18
that does carry a serious message.


Warning! do not chip a tooth, don't even think about it or you won't be going on your annual holiday next year. It's financially as it's is physically expensive and if you throw in the mere fear and dread of the dentists on all round unpleasant experience as the autumn kicks in. If you think you will be able to get an NHS dentists to pay for it then forget it man. If you're over 18 and under 65 then a seriously heavy bill is heading your way.


Day One

I live in Northampton, the largest town in Europe with a population of over Two hundred thousand. I thought as I was a temp I could sign on the dole around the time of booking the appointment and the government would pick up the tab.Oh no.oh no no no no.
The first dentist I went to asked for £32 for a consultation alone, which basically means coffee and don't eat sweets chat with your surgeon. Even if there's a gaping hole in your tooth and the obvious chance of an abscess to come they re-book you in next week.

Anyhow I can't afford such luxuries so I went to another one and got the same story and then the advice to go to call NHS DIRECT for a list of NHS dentist in my area. A quick visit to the website revealed the said list of 24 practices; a very good start he naively thought. Closer inspection reveals red typing with the news that the dentists are no longer accepting NHS patients; all but three saying otherwise, and of those, two are only taking pensioners and kids.

DAY TWO

I called the telephone line for NHS direct and the first thing they ask you is where you live and where about is the pain before you even get to tell them you have a toothache. Anyhow I asked for a list of NHS dentists in Northampton that were taking new people on and she quickly replied none. I told I had read the list on your website and she said-"Oh we have another list", and gave me a number for the emergency dentist, the only one in the county, though the guy is only there three days a week. I didn't ask the nice lady on the phone why they bothered to list NHS dentists who are anything but. Five had long since closed down. Two of the surgeries on the list actually told me they would complain about being put on the NHS website.

DAY THREE-FIVE

I decided to trawl around a few and plead poverty, pull a face of pain and flash the blue eyes at the young receptionist. After seven attempts I had three price lists, two old bags telling me we don't want the likes of you in this PRIVATE establishment and a date with Kylie. Kylie looks and talks like a Kylie.
With the stark realisation that the national health no longer exists but the pain still contained, I contemplated putting it on the credit card and taking the hit in the teeth so to speak.

PRICE LIST

First time customer's consultation. Between £30 and £50

Small X-Ray £10.00
Large X-Ray £25.00
Matt or Gloss £1.00 per X-Ray.

Silver Fillings £45.00
White Fillings (Front teeth) £40.00 Back (£70.00)

Root Canal £200 smackers!

White Crown (Filling in holes) THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!

Crowns for 'Rappers' (Gold) £400.The precious white stone is apparently nearly as valuable as gold!.

Extraction £50.00
Surgical Extraction (No hammer and chisel) £100

The 'Brightsmile' in surgery tooth whitening system (For gay regional news presenters) £a snip at £600.

So why are there no NHS dentists?

It's called slow creep privatisation, a Blair speciality where you move customers that can pay with their last two pennies to rub together on to private health care to relive the burden on the system. You do this by freezing or cutting the government subsidy for each filling, extraction, treatment etcetera, from the subsistence rate. If an NHS dentist is getting only £12.50 per filling from Blair and the above £45 from private care then it's pretty obvious where the money is. The dentists smell the coffee and agree at their conferences that a mass move to private care would mean people would have to pay it when they are in pain and those flexible friends 'Tone' has let us all have, especially the people who cant really afford private care, credit cards all round o pay for these sneaky backdoor privatisations. How long will it be until we have back street dentists!.

The few dentists that have some sort of moral fibre that stay NHS are then over run by people wanting urgent treatement.Teeth that could have been saved are yanked rather too quickly as he tries to make the money back using haste and no anaesthetic.
The bare facts are that if you are of working age and you need treatment you are going to have to pay £300-£400 quid.

Soon it will be the same for broken bones, illnes, and eventually everything on the NHS using the same tactics. All the asylum seekers, druggies and convicts will of course head the queue for free treatment and sue if they don't get it whilst the people like you and me, who pick up the tax burden, are clucked.

DAY SIX-SO ANYWAY>>>>>>>

I decide to walk down to this emergency dentist near the town centre and ask how it works. Im here for the free dental treatment then!. The receptionist, rather long in the proverbial tooth, looked at me with disdain as if it's the biggest taboo in dentistry to even contemplate free teeth healthcare in Britain:" You can only have emergency care here sir, it's an emergency dentists"; straight from the League of Gentleman I tell you.
I told her that NHS Direct had indicated that you were the only free dental provider for twenty miles.

Then I blagged I was a temp and was often unemployed and in real pain. She then offered me an appointment for tomorrow! Suddenly the imaginary pain went away. Well who's brave enough to go the next day without a suitable period of worry. Now I know why they call it an emergency dentist. You only go through this if you really have to. Say if you were in serious pain. I looked at the young guy sitting in the chair holding his mouth. He was one of those people. He also reminded me of one of those frivolous articles in the gutter pres that list silly facts.Apparanetly over 500 people a year need emergency dental treatment after trying to open beer bottles with their teeth. This was definitely one of those guys.

The receptionist had seen fakers like me before trying to relive the financial, rather than physical pain, with free treatment and informed me that it would be up to the dentist on sight to decide if my tooth was worth treating libre.By now I realised she wasn't going to book me in and I have to admit I was rather relived. Another list was produced for free dentists. Something to keep me busy for the next week and an excuse not to actually have the thing done.

DAY SEVEN

The new list of course was another fudge, containing three places I had already rebuked my advances for freebies. Six more were out of town, whilst three were in the same small local village. Could this be an NHS dentist's nirvana? - Hoards of people holding their teeth and not wallets, straight from local inns and the new caravan park. Or was it another scam to get the new breed of dentists tourists out to some Godforsaken village boozer after being knocked back yet again.

Still I had bought some time to avoid getting an appointment at the dreaded dentist with a new list to work through. One that I wouldn't have to set about with great gusto as my pain was under control if I didn't bite down on the tooth too hard. If I could just hold out a little longer then surely a dentist would take pity and sign me up.
The catch of course is that the dentists is supposed to provide free treatment to unemployed patients: my plan was to sign on just for the couple of weeks for the appointment, but you can only become an NHS patient if they sign the form, which they can always refuse to offer you, claiming they were full up.

THE DENTIST IN YOUR SCHOOL DAYS>>>>>>.

One of them on my new list was my child hood surgeon who, like for many of you out there, was the ******* butcher that put the fear of God into me when going to the dreaded dentist. You now why they filled your teeth when there was nothing wrong with them and you also no why they NEVER used gas or the needle. Firstly they are mostly sadist, doing a job they never wanted to do because they fluffed medical school and secondly because they were saving every penny on anaesthetic to turn a profit on the NHS.

There can't be a 'dooyooer'out there that didn't hear the dentists say this will only hurt for a while, just count to ten. Then that drill screamed into your fresh pulp that sends chills down our spine every time we hear that whine.
That trauma alone is enough to keep us away from the dreaded chair so we end up with decaying teeth and a big bill.

10 days into my search and I have had two offers of NHS treatment in one day! Now the school hols are over their fun is over and the appointments book a touch lighter.
Dr Owinkinban, new to the town, is offering a check up in late October for a ten pound deposit. I've never trusted Nigerians and my instincts tell me that those certificates all over the reception area of his dental skills don't quite look right.lol.

The second place is much more promising in that they do exemptions, free treatment for all who are signing on and NHS rates to. As a temp worker it will be east to swing a free treatment here and im chuffed with the result. The secretary is a cracker to with some tremendous breasts and she's given me a smile to. The Only problem is that quite rightfully they are very busy and can only fit me in late November. Still she is hot and the tooth is contained so of the worse comes to the worse I can always go to the emergency place again. Maybe a return trip here for a buff and polish by Melinda!:>.

NHS DENTAL PRICES>>>>>>Yes there's no such thing as free healthcare anymore. Did you know you have to pay for an ambulance ride now.

FILLING £18.50 (Front and eye, molars)
BACK TEETH (NHS wont touch)
PULLED £11.50

WHITE CAP £89
ROOT CANAL £114 (2 APPOINTMENTS)

POLISH £14.50
CHECK UP £10-50
X-RAY £15
I have an emergency dental appointment at 11am Ooo

Onlyforfun
9th December 2004, 11:32
I'm lucky enough to have found an NHS dentist but...

In January I was told that I needed some fillings, The first 3 appointments available were in April and May! In February got a letter to say that the April appointment was cancelled as the dentist was away. Called for a new one... in June!

Following that in March one of my May appointments was cancelled in the same way and rebooked for September this time. In the meantime I forgot when the hell I was meant to be there and missed an appointment. No amount of sorry, don't you realise that you've been pissing me about anyway would help. Thats £40 sir or you are off our books. Finally got the last filling done last month, 2 months before the next check-up is due.

Workshy
9th December 2004, 13:52
Its a nightmare OFF!

Thankfully, I got an emergency treatment after waiting over an hour. £18.52 to remove a molar, very reasonable I thought. NHS :doh

Onlyforfun
9th December 2004, 14:42
Good price, I pay more for a check up and its supposedly NHS!

alianzalima
9th December 2004, 15:07
I just had a wisdom tooth out on Monday and my face is still swollen and it hurts like mad. Still waiting for the bill but he said about £40 on the NHS which isn't bad. He told me I could have had it done free at Birmingham dental hospital but that the dentists there could be anyone and probably would be a student so i stuck with the local chap. Had the rest of the week off work as I can't talk, eat or sleep at the moment. Hopefully i will be better soon but I have to go back on Monday to see how it went.

iain

Workshy
9th December 2004, 16:00
Im sat here drooling blood from my numb face in agony, what a picture :(

challengerduluc
10th December 2004, 00:05
Only ever had one filling in my life - 12 years ago - so when I was told my dentist was going private thought - what the hell - I havent got any probs Ill stay with him - that was 6 weeks ago - on Monday I had my first ever toothache - went to my newly private dentist - £60 worth of xrays "revealed" I may have the start of an abcess (its a wait and see job - apparently it could just be a bruise - he cant bloofy tell) - and may have to have the nerve extracted (?) - £300 for the privilege if it happens -
SOMEONE'S BEEN HEXING ME OBVIOUSLY -

If anyone has had this nerve business done - is it something for me to get wound up about - i have VERY low pain threshold

Onlyforfun
10th December 2004, 10:36
If anyone has had this nerve business done - is it something for me to get wound up about - i have VERY low pain threshold
Depends on how good your dentist is (good I presume or you wouldn't have stuck with him) and how efficient local anaesthetic is for you.

I had it done on a tooth that is supposed to have 2 roots and local anaesthetic doesn't seem to work too well for me so fillings etc are generally very painful (what dentist can be bothered waiting half an hour until the stuff kicks in and 3 hours after treatment has finished I can hardly feel my entire mouth, gums and nose!).

The first two roots were pretty nasty as he had to drill in to expose the nerve then inject anaesthetic directly in as it wasn't working injected in the gum. 10 seconds of horrific pain followed by the most pain free dental treatment I've ever had.

Then he found a third root which was quite small and we were getting good at the injections by then so that one wasn't too bad.

Unfortunately, just before putting the crown on he thought he'd found another root! He called in the head of the practise to get a second opinion. Not knowing that I hadn't had any local he stuck a fine wire in to a perfectly functioning nerve at which point I jumped out the chair swearing and ready to clobber him!

Apart from that and the £300 charge (supposedly NHS but I paid extra for a white crown) it was fine. :D

e55exboi
10th December 2004, 12:05
Easy answer, go on the dole and get it all free :D

Onlyforfun
10th December 2004, 12:18
Easy answer, go on the dole and get it all free :D
What, give up a 50k job to get £300 of dentist work free? :doh

vegyjones
10th December 2004, 12:29
Yes!

I never go to the dentist... Can't stand em.

Still... maybe that's why I am a goofy, buck toothed, gapped toothed :censored: !

:D (I do not lokk like <- by the way!)