vegyjones
21st December 2004, 13:21
The Office Christmas Party!
Subject: all employees
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4 November 2004
RE: Christmas Party.
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols .... please feel free to sing along. And
don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas
tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over ~10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The
MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
A Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
----------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director!
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party.
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wo! u ldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union
Officials feel that ~10.00 is too much money and Management believe ~10.00
is a little cheap
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party.
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslin employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in
a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for ! me mbers of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to
sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to
cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for
short people. Low fat food
will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.
Sorrry! Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!
Pauline
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2004
RE: The F****** Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it wi! th you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW !! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday,
The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9 November 2004
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone
the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Happy Holidays
Mistakes have been made.... Others will be blamed!!
Subject: all employees
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4 November 2004
RE: Christmas Party.
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols .... please feel free to sing along. And
don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas
tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over ~10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The
MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
A Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
----------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director!
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party.
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wo! u ldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union
Officials feel that ~10.00 is too much money and Management believe ~10.00
is a little cheap
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party.
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslin employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in
a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for ! me mbers of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to
sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to
cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for
short people. Low fat food
will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.
Sorrry! Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!
Pauline
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2004
RE: The F****** Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it wi! th you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW !! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday,
The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9 November 2004
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone
the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Happy Holidays
Mistakes have been made.... Others will be blamed!!