bigcumba
23rd April 2005, 12:24
Mrs Donovan was walking down O'Connell STreet in Dublin when she met up with Father O'Flaherty. The Father said "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?" She replied "Aye, that ye did Father". The Father asked " And be there any wee ones yet?" She replied "No, not yet Father". The Father said " Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband". SHe replied "Oh thank ye Father" They then parted ways
Some years later they met again. The Father asked "Well now Mrs Donovan,, how aer ye these days?" She replied "Oh very well Father!" The Father asked "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" She replied "Oh yes Father, 3 sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!" The Father said "That's wonderful, and how is your loving husband doing?" She replied "He's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle!!!"
A Galwayman, Dubliner and Kerryman apply to join the Gardai. The Galwayman does his interview which goes fine. The last question he is asked is "Who killed Jesus Christ?" to which he replies "Pontius Pilate". "Very good" says the superintendent, "you can start on traffic duty right away". The Dubliner does the interview, gets the same question, and answers corectly, and is also assigned to traffic duty. The Kerryman goes in, and does well in the interview till that last question, to which he replies "Don't know". The superintendent tells him to go to the library across the road and begin checking the Bible. On his way he meets the other 2, already in their traffic uniforms and ready for action. "What are you up to?" he asks them. The both explain they are on traffic duty. "Traffic duty, that's boring" he says, "I've been assigned a murder case!"
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His 2 nest friends Seamus and Sean were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad, roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus had a closer look and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought this rather strange, so brought Sean in for a look. Sean says "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad, roll him over". He looked down and added "no that ain't Paddy". The mortician asked "How can you tell?" Sean said "well Paddy had 2 ar$eholes." The mortician looked amazed, "How do you work that out?". "Yep, everyone knew he had 2 ar$eholes 'cos when we went into town the folks would say 'ah here comes Paddy with them 2 ar$eholes"
5 Englishmen arrive at the Irish border checkpoint in an Audi Quattro. Paddy the officer stops them and says "It's illegal to have 5 folk in a Quattro, Quattro means 4!" The Englishmen retorts disbelievingly " Quattro is just the name of the car! Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry 5 people!" "Ah you can't pull that one on me! Quattro means 4, you have 5 folk in the car and that means you're breaking the law!" The Englishmen are getting angry now "You idiot! Call your supervisor over, I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!" "Sorry" responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"
A young Irish brunette goes into the docs surgery and says her body hurts whenever she touches it. "Impossible" says the doc, "Show me". She takes her finger and pushes her albow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams again. Everywhere she touches makes her scream in pain. The doc asks "you're not really a brunette are you?" She says "No, I'm really blonde". The doc says "Thought as much, you have a broken finger"
Some years later they met again. The Father asked "Well now Mrs Donovan,, how aer ye these days?" She replied "Oh very well Father!" The Father asked "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" She replied "Oh yes Father, 3 sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!" The Father said "That's wonderful, and how is your loving husband doing?" She replied "He's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle!!!"
A Galwayman, Dubliner and Kerryman apply to join the Gardai. The Galwayman does his interview which goes fine. The last question he is asked is "Who killed Jesus Christ?" to which he replies "Pontius Pilate". "Very good" says the superintendent, "you can start on traffic duty right away". The Dubliner does the interview, gets the same question, and answers corectly, and is also assigned to traffic duty. The Kerryman goes in, and does well in the interview till that last question, to which he replies "Don't know". The superintendent tells him to go to the library across the road and begin checking the Bible. On his way he meets the other 2, already in their traffic uniforms and ready for action. "What are you up to?" he asks them. The both explain they are on traffic duty. "Traffic duty, that's boring" he says, "I've been assigned a murder case!"
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His 2 nest friends Seamus and Sean were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad, roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus had a closer look and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought this rather strange, so brought Sean in for a look. Sean says "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad, roll him over". He looked down and added "no that ain't Paddy". The mortician asked "How can you tell?" Sean said "well Paddy had 2 ar$eholes." The mortician looked amazed, "How do you work that out?". "Yep, everyone knew he had 2 ar$eholes 'cos when we went into town the folks would say 'ah here comes Paddy with them 2 ar$eholes"
5 Englishmen arrive at the Irish border checkpoint in an Audi Quattro. Paddy the officer stops them and says "It's illegal to have 5 folk in a Quattro, Quattro means 4!" The Englishmen retorts disbelievingly " Quattro is just the name of the car! Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry 5 people!" "Ah you can't pull that one on me! Quattro means 4, you have 5 folk in the car and that means you're breaking the law!" The Englishmen are getting angry now "You idiot! Call your supervisor over, I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!" "Sorry" responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"
A young Irish brunette goes into the docs surgery and says her body hurts whenever she touches it. "Impossible" says the doc, "Show me". She takes her finger and pushes her albow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams again. Everywhere she touches makes her scream in pain. The doc asks "you're not really a brunette are you?" She says "No, I'm really blonde". The doc says "Thought as much, you have a broken finger"