Fancy dress.

[Stewards enquiry]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress
>party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg,
>so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
>
>A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
>
>"Dear Sir,
>
>Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will
>cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as
>a pirate."
>
>The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his
>wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint
>
>A week passes and he received another parcel and note:
>
>"Dear Sir,
>
>Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit.
>The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you
>will really look the part".
>
>The man is really furious now, because the company has gone from
>emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.
>
>So he writes a really rude letter of complaint.
>
>A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the
>accompanying letter:
>
>"Dear Sir,
>
>Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
>
>Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg
>up your **** and go as a ****ing toffee apple"