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piggy
6th June 2007, 17:02
An old lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too"

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies,
"Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

piggy
6th June 2007, 17:05
more oldies:
"OLD" IS WHEN . Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"

"OLD " IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN . A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door..

"OLD" IS WHEN .... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN .. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN .... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fibre today

"OLD" IS WHEN .... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN .... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND

"OLD" IS WHEN .... You are not sure these are jokes!

TheOldhamWhisper
6th June 2007, 17:16
"OLD" IS WHEN... you look at a scantily clad young lady and think 'She must be freezing in that...'

plater
7th June 2007, 11:27
"OLD" IS WHEN....The only Rubber you use is on the legs of your Zimmer !!

TheOldhamWhisper
7th June 2007, 16:28
"OLD" IS WHEN... the shop assistant assures you there is no such Shower Gel as Lynx Optimistic...