bigcumba
4th October 2008, 15:23
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MENS PERSONAL ADS:
29 ..40 but thinks he looks 29
35 ..45 dyes his hair
40 ..60 dyes his hair, has penile implant
30s 45 in search of an 18 year old
Adventurous......................Gets up in the morning, sleeps with anyone or anything
A Few Extra Pounds ..Waddles, looks very pregnant
Athletic.............................Walks up the stairs, but only if the elevator is broken
Average looking.................Fat, looks 4 to 9 months pregnant
Divorced .For good reason: shallow, self absorbed SOB
Handsome.........................Shallow & self absorbed, uses photo that is 20 years old
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Financially Secure...............Cheap
Free spirit...........................Takes the bus, lives in a shoe box, sleeps on a bare mattress on the floor
Friendship first....................Emotionally insecure, penile challenged
Gentleman .Penile challenged, minute man, lies about age
Intelligent ..High school drop out
New-Age............................Feminine
Old-fashioned.....................Hates women
Open-minded......................will have sex with anyone or thing
Oral .Penile challenged, minute man
Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing
Professional.........................Shallow **stard
Single ..Married and sleazing
Separated .What the wife doesnt know wont hurt her
Slim ..In denial, horny liar
Staminia .On Viagara or cilis
Stocky.................................Very Fat horny liar
Tall Slut, arrogant
Large frame.........................Hugely Fat horny liar
Long Time Single .Gay and in denial or Penile challenged or Minute Man
Wants Soul mate..................Horny liar
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................No boobs
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..............On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit..........................Junkie
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................Depressive
Professional.......................Bitch
Romantic...........................Frigid
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
29 ..40 but thinks he looks 29
35 ..45 dyes his hair
40 ..60 dyes his hair, has penile implant
30s 45 in search of an 18 year old
Adventurous......................Gets up in the morning, sleeps with anyone or anything
A Few Extra Pounds ..Waddles, looks very pregnant
Athletic.............................Walks up the stairs, but only if the elevator is broken
Average looking.................Fat, looks 4 to 9 months pregnant
Divorced .For good reason: shallow, self absorbed SOB
Handsome.........................Shallow & self absorbed, uses photo that is 20 years old
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Financially Secure...............Cheap
Free spirit...........................Takes the bus, lives in a shoe box, sleeps on a bare mattress on the floor
Friendship first....................Emotionally insecure, penile challenged
Gentleman .Penile challenged, minute man, lies about age
Intelligent ..High school drop out
New-Age............................Feminine
Old-fashioned.....................Hates women
Open-minded......................will have sex with anyone or thing
Oral .Penile challenged, minute man
Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing
Professional.........................Shallow **stard
Single ..Married and sleazing
Separated .What the wife doesnt know wont hurt her
Slim ..In denial, horny liar
Staminia .On Viagara or cilis
Stocky.................................Very Fat horny liar
Tall Slut, arrogant
Large frame.........................Hugely Fat horny liar
Long Time Single .Gay and in denial or Penile challenged or Minute Man
Wants Soul mate..................Horny liar
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................No boobs
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..............On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit..........................Junkie
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................Depressive
Professional.......................Bitch
Romantic...........................Frigid
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.